Baltimore- There Are No Words

Why will I never ever go back to Baltimore you ask? Here are some Baltimore Anecdotes:

  • The baseball game took a sour turn when the alcohol started flowing. Unbeknownst to us there was a lightweight sitting behind us. After two beers it was over. Obnoxious yelling ensued, “this is the worst game of ever” and “I never wear sunscreen, I want to tan, I am going to get sun cancer” are just some of the wonderful (awful) phrases we heard. Also “Hey! Hey Toronto Guy (Brent) turn your hat inside out!” because the home team was losing, and somehow turning it inside out would help.

  • On the way to Obyricki’s we walked through the not-so-nice residential area, where there are security cameras on posts and signs about drug-free-zones and seeing a kid run by with a toy gun did not help (one of the guns was painting bright orange so that just made it seem comical almost). His mother chasing after him yelling also did not help .

  • As we were walking back from a delicious crab dinner at Obyricki’s , we turned to go up a street. I saw two guys crouched down, stuffing what appeared to be a suitcase. Only then two feet appeared from between them, toes pointed to the sky, implying the owner of those feet was on his back- where the suitcase should have been. It did not look good. So we turned up the next street and looked down the alley, but they had all taken off.

  • Our purchases from 7-Eleven were handed to us in a paper bag, the same kind that people loitering outside of the shop were drinking alcohol out of.

  •  I almost stepped on a bloody mess of a giant dead rat.

It was worth it to go to Baltimore once for Obyrickis and Boog’s BBQ, but never ever again. I have seen more than enough, enough to last me two lifetimes.